Romantic relationships in our modern day have gotten way off track- both inside and outside of marriage in that they place way too emphasis on physical touch- instead of the things that touch one another's souls. What I have trouble understanding is why people feel the need to make out as much as they do in relationships these days? Think about it, how much time is spent "making out" and other physical forms of affection then engaging in conversations that really gets the couple in relationship to know and appreciate one another's hearts and souls.
I know that my thoughts here will be scoffed at by many. But to anyone who has ever been in a relationship where you got emotionally attached based on physical pleasure whether "the actual act of sex" or other forms of physical contact- you know firsthand how deep the emotional attachment was and when that relationship failed- you know how much harder it was after not having that discipline.
Even in church circles in the modern day world- there is this statement that we as humans are sexual beings. I beg to disagree- I think we are more soulful than sexual- but we have mistaken the sexual connection for feeling a void in our souls- in spite of an overwhelming bundle of evidence of the contrary in times past and present.
So what am I saying- that all physical contact is unhealthy outside of marriage? I don't take it that far. I have friends that I hug because of the depth of connection that we share in our friendship- and I know in my own case that I hug them in that right manner without allowing any other thoughts to consume me other than the appreciation of the bond we share in our friendship. Even in that, you must be careful. There are different levels of intimacy and then there are those things which are mistaken for intimacy.
This blog has even more meaning after an experience for me a couple years ago when I dated a girl and in a moment of intimate embrace we made out. Up until that point in time in my life- I had vowed never to kiss any girl until I knew it was the girl I was going to marry. Yet the emotion of that moment felt so good- and I got carried away with a kiss that aroused in me thoughts of lust more than anything else. After having messed up in that vow, I knew I would have a rough day the next day regretting what I had allowed to happen. Because of the intensity of that experience- I knew I was not seeing her in the same way that God would desire to see her in that moment and I so I had to bring the relationship to an end. Whether in marriage or outside of marriage- no woman or man deserves to be seen as a piece of meat simply to enhance our own sense of pleasure.
After that night when I kissed her, I thought if the relationship continued since I had messed up it was too late to go back and reclaim and/or renew my vow to God. Then I thought to myself, "If it had led to more than that and I had sinned sexually- would I just keep having sex- or what?" The answer was a clear and emphatic "NO."
Often times we love people based on what we can gain from them- this extends beyond the sexual experience, to the feeling of gaining something from them- or finding validation to cover over our insecurities. In the Greek, there are four words for "love." The fourth word is "Eros," the root from which we derive our English word Erotic. While erotic love is often thought of as sexual pleasure- it is actually much deeper than that. Erotic love was any love that was sought specifically with the intention of gaining something- whether wealth or the feeling of being validated- and therefore was and is the most selfish form of all love.
The kind of love I vow to share with my future mate is a love that extends much deeper than that- it extends beyond any physical touch, any sexual pleasure. It goes beyond what I want in a relationship to thinking about what is best for her and through good times and bad times- seeking it out through thick and through thin. More important than seeking out a physical kiss from that special someone- it will be a love at all costs that seeks first to kiss my lover's soul. While I have never been married any may not be the greatest authority on the subject- I think it is that attitude above all else that defines how successful marriages will be. Sadly, today we live in a society where many marriages have ended in divorce, and many other marriages though not ending in divorce are together yet broken.