Monday, October 27, 2008
The True Love Connection!
In the first two posts on this topic of sexuality- I had quite a few questions- and objections from those who disagree with some of my statements. In the midst of this blog, I intend to reply to some of those objections to bring clarity to what is the Biblical worldview of sexuality.I pointed out in my last blog that the word "sex" is derived from the same root for which we get or word "sections." Thus, the very nature of our language conditions us to think that we are sections in need of another section in order to make us whole. Such a worldview is nothing new. It existed at least 800 years prior to when Christ walked the earth. He reached into a dark world which was consumed with that view. For both the Romans and the Greeks sexuality was considered as a spiritual act in which the male soul was made complete by sexual union with the femine soul. Thus, the more sex a man had, the more spiritual he was considered. A few years ago as I was changing channels on my television I stopped for a moment to listen to a preacher talk about how couples can enhance their marriage. He made the following statement, "Without sex and having fun together, a marriage is no different than any other business relationship." Upon hearing such statement, I was wishing there was a way I could walk into the tv set and knock some sense into that Pastor because such a statement reeks of complete and total hodgepodge.Marriage is not about "sex and having fun" as this pastor stated- but rather is the sacred union in which two people join together in a mission to declare God's glory through their lives accomplishing His will and purpose as they journey through life together as best friends. One reader responded to my last post by saying that "though sex is not the most important part of the relationship, there is something wrong if the sex is not going good." I don't fully disagree with that statement. Nor does any pyschologists whether Christian or secular that are considered experts on the issue. I am going to say very little in response as coming from someone who is not married and has maintained purity for marriage- which might not give me the authority to speak in depth about this. What I am going to point out is that it is univerally agreed upon principle that the relationship outside the sexual union affects greatly the enjoyment of the union. If the relationships is a relationship of two people with an intent of gratifying themselves through "erotic love" then the enjoyment may last for a season- but in the end it will crumble into pieces. If the relationship is based on two people giving selflessly and sacrifically of themselves in pure heart and devotion to one another- then there is nothing to worry about as it will all fall into place elsewhere.So what is our view of sexuality to be in terms of marriage? I think it's both relevant and important to have this in line whether we have been married for a number of years or whether we are still waiting for God to send us the one we will spend the rest of our lives with as and if He so wills. The best way I can state this in proper perspective is from the analogy of winning a prize in a competition whether sports, science fair project, American Idol, etc. While the prize awarded in the midst of the competition is an important perk of the package- it is not the prize that defines the winner as the winner. The same is true of the marriage relationship. Sexuality and sexual expression are perks of the relationship- but they are not in way, shape, or form what defines the deep intimate connection of love that exists between two people that have entered into such a sacred bond of marriage.One of those days, I plan to marry a girl that I call my best friend. Who she is and whether she exists and God wills that for my life I do not know. Most tell me that my philosophy is completely outdated that being friends with a girl only gets you in the friend zone- so therefore we should immediately move in the moment we feel the powerful force of attraction. Such a view may be outdated- but that's the way the vast majority of relationships occurred in the days of our grandparents- and the divorce rate then was much lower than now so maybe it's not such a bad worldview after all. Sadly, I think most people can not accept such a radical view because their minds are geared towards the fast food mentality of an instant rush- than the mentality of cost, time, and steadfast commitment. All three are essential ingredients to a successful relationship.With that in mind, I close by stating that the true connection of love is found in what we are doing for the Kingdom of God. It's not so much what we are doing with our lives as it is what God is doing through us to advance His kingdom. It took me years of searching to find the calling in my life in which I would be connected intimately in a way that I could advance the kingdom of God everyday through what I do. I am by no means perfect but at this stage of my life I feel more connected than I have ever been- and though I desire to someday share my life with a special someone- that's not the centerpiece of my life- and it's beginning to get to the point that I swore it would never get to- that whether or not it is in God's plan for me to be married is of the least of my concerns. The true love connection is ultimately found-in active pursuit of God's holiness- which melts away the boredom in our lives that results from the consumption we have with our own selfish desires. This concept again is radical and is considered by many to be outdated for the world we live in. But I challenge you to think about these thoughts. More importantly pray about them. That's what I have done as I have compiled them. Quite honestly the very thoughts of these ideas seem outrageous. But since when was the God who came to earth as a man and bled, suffered, and died naked on the cross for the sins of the world so against the outrageous.